MARV Review

Oh, joy. Another monument to beige. “Greenland 2: Migration” is less a survival story and more a protracted, exquisitely crafted exercise in beige-induced boredom. The Garrity family? Seriously? They’re essentially a beige-themed refugee caravan, shuffling across a landscape rendered in shades of dust and despair. The plot, which involves a “perilous journey,” is less a quest and more a carefully choreographed dance of stumbling over rocks and complaining about the lack of decent coffee. The acting? Let’s just say the actors look like they’ve been meticulously selected based on their ability to convey the profound ennui of existence. Each performance is a slow, agonizing descent into the abyss of existential dread. The direction? It’s a visual representation of a particularly dull puddle – predictably static, predictably uninspired. And the “over-the-top action”? Please. It involves a snowmobile piloted by a man who looks perpetually startled, and a chase scene that could have been achieved with a particularly aggressive flock of pigeons. It's a cinematic experience so profoundly underwhelming, it’s almost *pleasant*. I’d rather watch paint dry. Truly, a waste of perfectly good beige. Zero stars. Consider this a beige-flavored tragedy.