MARV Review

Trap House. Oh, *trap house*. It’s a cinematic experience so profoundly dull, it’s practically a beige landscape. Let me just say, the plot is less a mystery and more a desperate attempt to convince a toddler that something *interesting* is happening. The agents? They’re basically beige-clad zombies shuffling through a particularly depressing forest. The teenagers? They’re the cinematic equivalent of a beige wallpaper – utterly predictable and aggressively cheerful. The “cat and mouse” game? Let’s just say the real danger wasn’t the criminals, it was the actors’ commitment to portraying a vaguely unsettling vibe. They looked like they’d just spent a particularly long afternoon arguing about the merits of avocado toast. The “top-secret intel”? Apparently, it involved a slightly crumpled map and a vague reference to “something involving glitter.” Don’t even get me started on the soundtrack. It’s a loop of slightly off-key ukulele music that sounds like a sad, forgotten Christmas card. Honestly, I’ve seen more coherent plots in a toddler’s crayon drawing. I’d rather watch paint dry – it’s a far more stimulating experience. Zero points. Zero. Seriously, zero. Avoid this at all costs.