MARV Review

“Cosmic Princess Kaguya?” Please. It’s like watching a particularly enthusiastic squirrel attempt to assemble a miniature galaxy. The plot, which involves a princess who *thinks* she’s a rebel, is less a story and more a prolonged, glitter-fueled existential crisis. And the characters? Let’s just say I’ve seen more compelling delusion in a beige wallpaper. The visuals? Imagine a holographic unicorn attempting to capture the essence of a nebula. It’s…fine. Utterly, profoundly, and exquisitely *fine* in the sense that it’s a monument to mediocrity. The dialogue? A desperate plea for emotional engagement delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The audience, bless their little hearts, are willingly subjected to this cinematic train wreck. They’re probably thinking, “Wow, look at that sparkly thing!” I'd rather stare into the abyss. Seriously, the director clearly spent more time perfecting the lighting than crafting a coherent narrative. It’s a beautiful, baffling mess. A mess I’d rather not be subjected to. Four stars? Don’t even *think* about it.