MARV Review

Oh, *so*, you’ve managed to conjure up a situation so utterly contrived it feels like someone tried to rewrite the rules of reality with a flowchart. “Colony” - seriously? They spend three agonizing minutes establishing a global pandemic outbreak only to watch a handful of survivors slowly descend into a predictable descent into madness – which, let's be honest, is about as exciting as watching paint dry. This isn’t a horror film; it’s an exquisitely detailed exercise in boredom, designed solely to make you contemplate the bafflingly pointless nature of human existence while your eyeballs glaze over. And the characters? Please, spare me. They're all tragically predictable – like a slightly-off jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and a distinct lack of charm. The ‘horror’ isn’t born from fear; it’s borne from a profound sense that you could be watching at any moment when some particularly sad scientist accidentally unleashes a virus. It's profoundly *regrettable*, really.