MARV Review

Another goddamn remake of a broken movie, this one leans so heavily into style it forgets to actually *tell a story*. Pattinson’s Chris Hansen is a pleasant enough cipher, but the rest of it is a carefully choreographed mess of visuals. The whole thing feels like a desperate attempt to be *something* rather than *anything*. The pacing is glacial, like a week-long documentary about a really boring documentary. It’s like they slapped a few shiny ideas onto a foundation of crippling mediocrality. The music, lighting... everything’s so intensely pretentious it achieves a horrifying level of self-awareness. You’d think the producers would just *let* the story happen. It's amateur hour masquerading as a cinematic triumph, all shiny surfaces concealing a profoundly disappointing experience. Seriously, what's the point of this thing?