MARV Review

Oh, *really*? Another one? Let’s see if this cinematic catastrophe manages to elicit a flicker of genuine emotion from me. Apparently, the plot involves a ridiculously wealthy woman who *needs* to be annoyed by a guy who looks like he’s perpetually sweating. It’s…fine. Very, *very* fine. The characters? Let’s just say they’re doing *something*. They’re engaged in a vaguely competitive dance about…beige. And a lot of it. Honestly, the dialogue is so painfully earnest it practically vibrates with existential dread. The visual effects? Let’s just say they’re attempting to create a world that looks like a particularly bad impression of a 1980s sitcom. It's a masterpiece of visual mediocrity, if you’re into that sort of thing. The audience? They’ll be subtly horrified, I’m sure, while simultaneously calculating how much they’ll need to buy to alleviate their boredom. It's a thrilling experience, really. A truly *necessary* experience. I’m going to go lie down now.