MARV Review

Oh, *wonderful*. Another monument to patriotic drivel. “War Machine”? Seriously? It’s like watching a beige explosion of misplaced heroism. The plot? A giant VCR-shaped monstrosity is *literally* attacking the world? Please. It’s less terrifying than watching a beige toaster try to escape. The characters? Alan’s performance is less ‘brave’ and more ‘mildly confused’ – a beige character in a beige movie. The whole thing reeks of a desperate attempt to capitalize on the current geopolitical climate with a ridiculously over-the-top action sequence. It’s a cinematic beige nightmare. Don’t expect a single, memorable moment. Just a whole lot of… beige.