MARV Review

Oh, *one battle after another*. Really. You’ve managed to create a cinematic experience that’s less ‘epic’ and more ‘painfully protracted.’ It’s a film about a bunch of disgruntled ex-revolutionaries attempting to save a kid from a villain – seriously? I’ve seen more coherent political maneuvering in a beige wall. The plot’s a meandering train wreck fueled by a vague sense of nostalgia, and the characters? Let’s just say they’ve clearly been practicing interpretive dance. The dialogue? It sounds like a bunch of people arguing about what a pigeon is. And the action? It’s so…beige. Like a particularly depressing landscape. Honestly, I spent more time staring at the rain than I did watching it. It's a testament to human ingenuity that you'd willingly subject yourself to this prolonged, soul-crushing exercise. Four stars? I’d give it one if it weren't actively trying to induce a migraine.